


hopeful songs

by BlueSapphire718



Series: from the stars above (the cosmos are alight) [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Order 66, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23928547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueSapphire718/pseuds/BlueSapphire718
Summary: He feels no remorse, no compassion as he advances towards the injured former Jedi with his lightsaber in his hand, glowing crimson and twisting with darkness, power. Koth only stares back up at him, his face twisting into one of grief and disbelief. There’s no thinking about what the former Jedi is thinking; Agen is only there to kill him, after all.
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox/Agen Kolar, Referenced Agen Kolar & Eeth Koth
Series: from the stars above (the cosmos are alight) [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553083
Kudos: 35





	hopeful songs

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from "Struggle Itself" by Cedar Sigo. 
> 
> So, heads up! Please back out if you're not comfortable with said tags above, which I suggest that you check over again.

_He feels no remorse, no compassion as he advances towards the injured former Jedi with his lightsaber in his hand, glowing crimson and twisting with darkness, power. Koth only stares back up at him, his face twisting into one of grief and disbelief. There’s no thinking about what the former Jedi is thinking; Agen is only there to kill him, after all.  
_

_“Agen, this is not you,” Koth rasps, before spitting out a clout of blood with a gasp. It lands in front of him, makes him snort as he steps over the small puddle. The fool, thinking he knows everything about him. “You would never fight for the Empire-”_

_“I do my Master’s bidding, which is to serve the Empire,” Agen says coolly, points his ‘saber towards the Zabrak’s throat. It’s close to stabbing him, but– enough for the former Jedi to talk. He’s slightly curious, curious as to why Koth would talk as if he knows him. “My loyalty to my Master, and to my Master alone.”_

_~~Arguing in their quarters, laughing while they spar, smirks exchanged when a mission is finished, the way they left each other when one leaves the Jedi Order and one stays, friendship lingering despite the tension─~~ _

_“You are_ not _a Sith,” Koth hisses angrily, then wheezes in pain, grimaces as tears begin to fall from his eyes. Agen takes a step back, startled. Why is this former Jedi crying? He doesn’t know him, doesn’t know who he is– “You are a Jedi, one of the best swordsmen in the Jedi Order, you kriffing bantha shit. You know this is wrong, you know that the Sith is controlling you!”_

_No one is controlling him. He has free reign to do whatever his Master has bid him to do, to allow his Master to bring peace without the Jedi scum._

_~~The Force is wailing in his head, seemingly begging him to not make this choice, and it’s wrong, wrong, wrong, don’t do it–~~ _

_“No one controls me,” Agen flatly tells him. “I do it out of my own free will.”_

_“This is not your own free will, this is enslavement of your mind! What would Master Saa say if she saw you like this? Obeying a madman and serving the Sith when you’ve been a Jedi all your life?” Koth’s voice chokes on a sob. “You believe in the Jedi, Agen, you believed in peace–“_

_“Do not lie. I was never a Jedi, no matter what you believed. There’s already peace without you Jedi scum to interfere with it.” Agen raises his lightsaber. “And you will be one of the last to die with it.”_

_Koth’s eyes widens with grief, tears falling down his cheeks, the other Zabrak gritting his teeth. But the voice that comes out is different, begging ~~, familiar~~. “Agen, no!“_

_He ignores him, slashes down towards his head, and–_

“Agen!”

His eyes fly open, and he gasps for air, feels his body shaking as he turns to meet dark concerned eyes. Fox thins his lips and doesn’t say anything else, just as Agen closes his eyes and breathes. Reaches for the Force and slightly calms down when all he feels is light and warmth, before blinking his eyes open and meeting Fox’s.

_He killed Eeth._

“You should go back to sleep,” he rasps quietly, and the clone snorts, leaning closer to him and helps him sit up on their sleeping roll. Fox is warm, leaning against his shoulder as they sit quietly together.

“Kix told me to wake you up if you had a nightmare,” Fox says, isn’t smiling, his hands hovering over him, and Agen doesn’t know what to say. Doesn’t know what to tell him when he’s still recovering from the effects of Force Corruption, from everything that’s happened so far. His hands grip the blanket over him tightly as Fox continues. “What happened?”

“Just a dream,” Agen answers curtly.

“You Jedi never have good dreams at most,” Fox retorts flatly and reaches out, hesitates, places his hand back down on the bed beside them. Agen doesn’t move to lace his fingers together with Fox, just _doesn’t_ , and he knows how Fox is more hesitant in showing affection. They both are, will show it when ready, and Agen doesn’t mind it as much as his own memories.

“I am aware,” he finally says, and Fox closes his eyes like he’s exhausted from all of Agen’s cryptic words. “You should go back to sleep. Rex will need your help tomorrow.”

Fox snorts, says with certainty, “Not as much as you need me right now.”

He frowns. Agen knows how much Fox sleeps, and it’s barely enough for him. They need the Commander, not _him_. “I don’t-“

“Don’t say anything right now. Just- just let me do this. I... I want to.”

Fox seems to be struggling to breathe, his head dropping into his shoulder. Agen closes his mouth, lifts an arm to bring around Fox’s waist, pulls him closer, breathes. Worry and fear spikes in the Force, before calmness sweeps over them, relief spilling out like the fountains in the Temple. It’s relieving, steady, grounding, enough for him to focus on the Darkness inside of him.

It’s still there, growing smaller, enough to be able to resist for a while longer.

Mace had told him he needed to learn to control it, control it like Quinlan had once, and it’s enough motivation to keep going. If a Jedi can come back from the Darkness to Light once more, he will do it. Once he met Fox, though... well. That’s also another motivation that he’s been using to try and keep control of himself. The Darkness has been addicting, alluring, and the urge to fall back into it is strong; Agen’s never thought that he would experience it.

_But he did._

It hurts, to try and master the Darkness inside of him, but– worth it. It’s worth it, especially when the Rebellion needs him. When Fox needs him. When everyone needs him to stay in control.

Agen presses a gentle kiss against Fox’s temple, hears his breath hitch, and murmurs against warm skin, “I killed him.”

_I killed Eeth._

It’s a simple fact, an admittance to what he just witnessed and did again. He killed so many of his fellow Jedi survivors without realizing it, and it still stings. He’s a Jedi, he’s not supposed to fall to the Dark Side, but he _did_. Maybe the others will still tell him it wasn’t his fault, but he remembers the tears, the begging, the realization that Agen wasn’t an ally anymore. The other shifts against him, jolting him from his thoughts.

“I know,” Fox says softly, curls into his embrace and hands clutch onto his robes. “But it wasn’t you.”

“It was still _me_.” He still has memories of slaughtering all of them in cold-blood, still has them echoing in his dreams. Like Eeth. One of his friends who he murdered without thinking it through; one of the ones who would challenge him into thinking in another direction when his usual approach didn’t work. “I killed him. I killed them.”

“I know.”

“I might kill you next,” Agen confesses, except Fox’s aura flickers with nothing but concern. No fear, no horror, nothing. Just concern. “Or Mace. Kix. The Rebellion.”

“You’re still regaining control of yourself. From what General Windu tells me, it’s hard to control yourself once you’ve been in the Dark side,” Fox reminds him, swinging his leg over to his other side and straddles his lap. Agen feels Fox’s hands cupping his face as he looks up at him, blinking slowly. Fox smiles humorlessly. “And I trust you.”

Simple words.

Simple actions.

But– it’s enough for him.

“I know,” Agen whispers, echoes Fox’s previous words before he reaches up, places his hand on the back of his neck, and gently pulls Fox down to gently tap his forehead against his. He watches the other close his eyes and tremble against him, his other hand reaching out to grip the side of Fox’s hip.

Fox draws on a shaky breath, a grunt, relaxes against his hold as Agen gently strokes the back of his neck. All he has left is his memories and the drive to take control of himself again, to never harm the other Jedi survivors, the Rebellion, or Fox. He feels himself smile when Fox’s eyes flutter open, brown eyes watching his every move as they sit there.

Silence falls upon them, enough to have Fox lift a finger to trace his tattoos, a feathery brush over the bridge of his nose, his cheeks, up and around his horns. Agen roughly swallows, and Fox smiles at him, all perfect innocence and the edge of playfulness. The skin near his eyes crinkle and Fox pulls away, enough to make Agen sit still and wait.

Nothing moves.

A moment of peace.

Then– “Can I kiss you?” Fox asks, breaking it.

Agen snorts, unable to help himself. “You already know the answer to that,” he tells him with a hint of humour. The Force hums against his skin in approval.

Fox quietly laughs, shaking his head as he smiles down at him, all gentle and dark at the same time. It’s beautiful, and Agen is used to it. “I think I’d still rather ask you,” he says, and the question goes unsaid. His answer is unsaid, and all Agen can do is give a sharp, yet weak nod and watch as the other leans down, gently kissing him.

The kiss is sweet, chaste, and Agen can feel Fox’s hands moving from cupping his face to gripping his shoulders. It conveys everything that he wants to say and everything _Fox_ wants to say. Pulls away, watches Fox’s eyes darken, a flicker of _heat_ curling in his aura. Silver edging dark hair catches the dim light outside, just Fox brushes a few strands of hair from falling into his eyes. 

It hurts, hurts to know that he might lose control one day and lose all of this again. The Jedi Order is long gone, what he’s lived by is gone, and like what Mace had said to him once, if they ever rebuild the Jedi Order again, the Jedi Code will need to change. Even so, even if they rebuild once more, Agen’s still addicted to the Dark Side, was washed over with it for a few months, and it’s hard to let go of the feeling.

Agen meets Fox’s eyes, and knows what he’s about to ask of him.

“I have a request,” he murmurs quietly, presses a gentle kiss to Fox’s neck. The other grunts, shows that he’s listening, and Agen has to fight the urge to curl around Fox and never let go again. “If I lose control of myself, I need you to kill me.”

Silence. It was expected, especially when the request came out of nowhere. Agen doesn’t move, only holding Fox tightly as the other stares down at him with brown eyes of steel.

“You’re not going to lose control of yourself,” Fox says flatly after a moment, a faint tremor in his voice. “And I’m not going to kill you, Agen.”

“It was a request, Fox,” Agen tells him steadily, tightens his grip on him. It’s reasonable, effective, and he knows that if he ever lost control again, the Rebellion’s plans would be a mess. “I’m not asking as a Jedi or a fellow Rebel, I’m asking as your... partner.” The word fits, though it feels strange to speak aloud. Then he adds quietly, “I trust you.”

Fox slowly sinks down to press his forehead against his, leaving him slightly wary when Fox doesn’t speak for a long time. Is it too unreasonable? He knows Mace would do it in a heartbeat, so would the other Jedi survivors, if he lost control and started slaughtering the Rebellion.

He thinks of Mace and Kix, the pair who lean on each other when their lives as Rebels get rough, soft touches and looks that says all they need. Thinks of Ahsoka, Rex, and Wolffe and their friendship together, all crowding around tables while plotting their move. Thinks of tiny Caleb, Depa’s Padawan, who strives against the injustice of their home, full of grief.

Thinks of Master Yoda and Obi-Wan, who are looking after ~~Skywalker’s~~ Vader’s children and protecting them from the visions of Palpatine. Thinks of the clones that they’ve freed so far, and how the clones continue serving the Empire in order to feed the Rebellion information. Thinks of Dogma, Echo, and the Bad Batch recruiting from the Outer Rim.

~~Thinks of Eeth and their true farewell to each other, on the steps of the Jedi Temple, his old friend accepting his fate.~~

They all know the risks, and Agen trusts Fox. Trusts him to make the right call.

The Force thrums against his skin with a soothing sound.

Jolts from his thoughts, and the only answer he receives is Fox’s jerky nod and eyes full of unshed tears that don’t fall. “I trust you, too,” Fox whispers, and _vows_. “I’ll do it. I’ll do it if I can’t reach you. I promise.”

It’s enough. He breathes. It’s enough for them.

“Thank you,” Agen says as sincerely as possible. Fox only blinks at him, smiles softly, before leaning down to kiss him again. It’s full of desperation and unspoken words that neither of them dare to speak out loud.

Meanings within said words are carefully known when Agen brushes a hand against Fox’s cheek, when Fox pushes him down to the bed and he lets him do so. They trace scars and old battle wounds, hands drifting to cling onto each other. Fox kisses him, and this time, Agen can only lace his fingers with Fox and smile.

There’s only simple actions and simple words that say everything, and nothing at all. They will never speak it out loud to each other, but small gestures and smiles are enough for them both. Is always enough for both of them.

“I trust you,” Fox murmurs, nips his ear playfully.

“I trust you, too,” Agen whispers to him, and doesn’t let go.


End file.
